Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue

I'm only writing this so I can stop thinking about it.  UMC enthusiasts (that means you,
brassknight86
, and the lovely Creative Crocheter that I'm sure will show up soon), however, will want to note what I'm doing the weekend of April 25th and May 23rd.

So let's assume for a second that I'm not enriching 2 of the classes I'm taking this term.  Let's assume that my only academic challenge is writing my honors thesis.  Let's assume that because my 2nd job is so rewarding and eccentric, the hours I work at it don't exist.  Now let's look at this term's schedule, shall we?  And don't tell me this is overdue- it's only the beginning of the 3rd week out of 10 + finals.  Just because weeks far in the future seem free doesn't mean they're not going to fill up later.  Or sooner.

Current Location: library
Current Mood: overwhelmed

The title reminds me, I left my super dark organic fair trade chocolate *gasp* at home.  My mom visits next weekend, but if I ask her to bring it, she might charge a several piece transportation fee.  Hmmm.

Anywho.  Every time I head back to the dorms at the end of summer/Christmas/spring break, I get very mopey the night before.  I don't want to unpack, I don't want to get ready for classes, I just want to curl up on my bed and pretend I'm back home.  The last time I was home for a significant period, I managed to get a firm hold on myself and constructively break the mood.  I was very, very proud of myself, particularly after I quashed a hint of relapse the following morning.  Then I got the call that my puppy had just died.  So I'm just going to write for awhile about all the stuff going through my head and it will seem very angsty and emo and what-have-you but at the end of it I will feel better. 
Where to start?  Car ride over was LOOOONG.  Fred is wonderful company (been a long time since I've had a big sing-along with anybody- probably not since the Bree Sharp days with silveriris and brassdollfin- and a karaoke duet at that??) but with the fan on blast once the sun came out, it was a little noisy for too much talking, which is my favorite way to spend long car trips with him.  We went a whole different route to avoid the tollways as I didn't have an I-Pass yet (now I do!) and 55 was just plain icky.  Also, car time is good bonding time with my dad.  Even through high school when I was all RAWR- LOVE=LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS car time meant playing Lee Murdock (pretty much the only thing we agreed on back then) and for awhile, peace and harmony reigned.  So I did kinda miss making the trip with him, particularly since once we got to school, it was quite late (six hour trips taking EIGHT hours= BAD, particularly for the poor boys driving back as they've just now crossed the Mississippi heading west) and that always gets him in full-steam-ahead-man-with-a-mission-mode.  And when I gave him a look when he tried to give me the patented-Tim-perfected-one-arm-closeness-avoidance hug, I got a RAWR bear hug and would have been lifted off the ground if my bag had been lighter and if he had hugged me under my arms and not over.  And while he didn't watch, he is no longer the least bit bristly/awkward when the boy kisses me good-bye.  I *heart* my daddy.  And referencing my two high school and before cohorts once again (too lazy to lj link you twice, sorry girls), you know that's a big deal.
I miss my mommy, too.  Her huge Sunday School kick-off is today (as it has been for the past two years) so instead of spending lots of time together one on one getting things ready, she's been rushing around doing that stuff.  We had a great time just the two of us on her day off Friday.... but that's been about it these past few weeks.  Other than that, the last quality time we spent together was a long evening spent working on the mock-up.  Um.... what else?  Also, I miss the puppies.  And Murray, although Fred says he's been being a brat at night lately.

Mostly I get mopey because I am alone and even awesome new college friends < family.  And, come on, puppies.  *sniffle*  I miss my puppies...... and hugs.  I miss hugs, too.  Friend hugs are really nice but nothing compares to family/fiance hugs.  And smiles.  Love-smiles.  And having people and animals to cuddle with. 

I present to you the temporary cure for my loss of cuddly animals: http://liliane.comicgenesis.com/d/20070813.html Usually she does comics about her life and experiences but she's been busy this summer so instead she's put up a new picture of her St. Bernard puppy every day.  I've spent the last little bit watching little Gretchen grow from picture to picture from the day she was adopted in spring to now.  I also feel a bit proud because she makes her living as a children's illustrator and I bought one of her books last spring to help her pay for her new puppy.  The link is to the beginning of the puppy pictures, including one of the first day when she carried her around in a baby sling!

Blend of insecurity and developing confidence is heartbreaking and heartwarming- a nakedly honest form of soul-baring that I love catching up on.  Can't read it regularly, because then I get too caught up in the stories where she struggles.  http://www.aworldlikemyown.com/ 

And I wish I could have had this to read my freshman year of college.  Heh.  Now I don't feel so old.  http://mundanenirvana.comicgenesis.com/d/20051006.html

And this is a good read and brings up some good stuff but sometimes takes itself too seriously (also, I think the numerous religious discussions and issues that come up warrant a mention in the description as it forms a major part of the main characters' development): http://www.webcomicsnation.com/tylerpage/nb/series.php

Update:  hall meetings icky.  Having boys in suites down the hall is odd.  And keep your fingers crossed for the discussion I will soon have with my suite mate on how and how often we are going to clean the bathroom as the cleaning people in this dorm do not handle that.  But I have a 9:20 class and still need to get a shower in.  Also, I have the munchies.  Mmm Cheerios and raisins.  Mental note to self:  must stop by Walgreen's and get a jar of peanut butter soon for balanced snacks and mini-meals. :D  Night all!



Edit: tiredness RUINS built-up good feelings.  Plus it doesn't help that to get to the bed in order to sleep one must first finish moving all the clothes off the bed to a non-floor location.  Problem is: half my clothes smell like GRANDMA.  Yes, to those just joining us for the first time, the *dead* one.  And I am sweaty and icky and am way too groggy to take a shower so it'll alllll half to wait til tomorrwo.  For now: BEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Current Location: dorm room
Current Mood: blah

Useful little bugger it is, but IMMENSELY aggravating, particularly when other people are involved in the handling of it. All my money for school suppplies, esp. clothes (I have a pair of dress pants and I have a pair of jeans. THAT IS THE SUM TOTAL OF MY PANTS.) failed to come into existence because the lovely client who signed on for several weeks worth of work (which would have added up to a little less than $300 for me once tax was taken out) simply had to come down with a high fever EIGHT hours before my first shift with her (one shift = 3 pairs of good quality jeans) and, while no longer hospitalized, has still not recovered enough for her daughter to go back home and leave her care to us. But, la la la and happyness, I was resigned to the loss of yet another client (at least this one didn't drop dead) because the other and more significant death this summer (this has NOT been a relaxing break) meant that I, for the first time in my life, inherited a small bit of money. Specifically, the exact amount of the car I was planning on purchasing (if I could, of course, make the finances work which was, of course, dependent on the number of hours I worked) because the executor of grandmama's estate knew that she would want to do everything in her power to support and encourage Fred and I's journey through the final year of college and the first of our years together. Happy yay, phew. Right? Sorry, no. After I made final and formal arrangements to pick up the car the day after Janice (the youngest of Fred's sisters) got married (last Saturday), I got a call from the aforementioned executor. Oh wait, I didn't. Fred didn't, either. She called absolutely everyone else in the entire frickin' family (who all, considerately, phoned us) and then waited another week to give us the news. Because Grandpa's admission into an assisted living facility was QUITE sudden, the finances to, uh, finance the charges on the new place were not immediately available. So guess whose inheritance is on hold until further notice. My car is amazing and fantastic, despite the small hole in the trunk, but it is very, very hard to be happy and joyful and hold on to all my feelings of being grown-up and powerful and competent and in control (which I experienced driving the thing from Davenport to Des Moines on Sunday, particularly the odd notion that here was something I could randomly and spastically take a sledgehammer to without it being in any way illegal) when there is all this going on, because....
Textbooks for this term: $365
Room & board for this term, minus what my parents are paying (my scholarships covered all but $30 of everything else which is why an apartment seemed like such a marvelous idea): $900
Amount in repairs I told the lovely car sellers I would cover (if it was more, I would return the car penalty free within a week): $500
Repairs needed: $180
Fairly standard maintenance needed (i.e. multiple types of fluid needing changing but nothing unusual for a car this old, even one well kept up): $426
I don't want to return it. Even with the maintenance stuff it's in fabulous shape and worth far more than I paid. Runs beautifully and has fantastic brakes. I could return it, I could keep it and make the repairs. I could try and get the very, very sweet and helpful sellers to lower the price of the car in lieu of the maintenance needed. But.... anything I spend on repairs comes out of the money I need to pay tuition which is all due by the end of September.
I can't let my parents cover the cost of repairs. They've already paid more towards fall term then they should have because *I* didn't work as much this summer as I planned (and really, really wanted to- man, I get antsy when I know I'm supposed to be working and I can't get the hours) and this would just be more on top of it. My lovely bank would like to remind me that their credit card is very, very nice and that the introductory 0% APR is applicable til at least February which would take the burden off my parents but mean I'd have to pay off the car repairs and all of winter term within a month of each other which means either LOTS of sub hours at the library (which I was planning on doing anyway so I could set aside money for, I don't know, the WEDDING) or a second job (which would require me having the car at school with me).

And now I feel stupid. I just remembered that my down payment for my apartment hasn't been returned yet. And that on top of the first month's deposit I've already paid, the lease signers promised me another month's rent to compensate me for their breaking of the lease. And it took writing all of this icky stuff down (and now being late to pick Fred up) to remember this. Hopefully I can arrange to have those checks sent to me ASAP once I get back to school and that the very nice car sellers will offer to refund me part of mine because of all the general maintenance they thought they were up to date on. Hmm. Life is looking up, but I still need chocolate. I think it's time to crack open that organic, fair trade, 70% cocoa dark stuff I originally bought to get me through finals last spring. Until later.....

Current Mood: hopeful