Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue

Just wanted people to know I'm not dead.  You were either at my house hanging out and taking embarrassing pictures of me (if only that one picture wasn't showing part of my bra, it would be soooo cute- as it is, I'll probably have to untag myself soon) or saw them on FB. 

But the rest of life?
Hmm.  Been married almost 15 months now and it's still pretty awesome.  I'm not sure how I ever got to sleep at night without warm boy although I can tell you it is way, way easier to get up in the morning without sleepy snuggliness trying to keep me in bed.
Work gave me my 90 day review waaaay late but to give you an idea of how high-powered/intense/high-standards the place is: I got two official verbal warnings in my first 90 days.  Me.  And that's considered gooooooooood.  It can be a bit much today (high standards mean you have to really keep on top of stuff and that means more overtime than I enjoy!!!) but I love how organized or straightforward and clear everything else.  Stuff doesn't get much of a chance to fall through the cracks and you know exactly what your job is or isn't (and no attorney would ever DARE try  and get us to get them coffee) and it's all very professional and inviting for smart people, particularly those who think it's a misuse of brain power to try and juggle what needs to be done for 20-200 different files at once.
It's really, really hard to be on a computer at night when you're in front of 2 large computer screens 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week.  It really is.  So yeah, completely tech-savvy little me is now declaring that the best way to reach me is by calling my phone- e-mails fall by the wayside and if you do something on my FB wall, I'll at the very least read the e-mail notifying me about it.

But now it's sleeeeepy time.  Wish us luck as this weekend we're going to MI to help my grandparents move.  Grandma with very bad arthritis in her ankles (move is 10 years overdue, dontcha know- their current place as bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, AND laundry room all on different levels- very, very compact split-level) and my Grandpa's new blood pressure medicine means a 20 pound lifting limit.  So let's all cross our fingers that my two guy cousins show up and help out for a full day's worth of work and that they manage to bring a pick-up truck with them like they promised.  Here's hoping, eh?

Love you all!

The group program on dating and date rape- Sex Signals- was at NCC my freshman or sophomore year.  I was really looking forward to this, considering her background (at the bottom) with the Chicago Task Force on hate crimes and the work she did demonstrating to police and prosecutors that "derogatory sexist term" + assault is just as much a hate crime as "derogatory racist/religious term" + assault.  It got delayed because she fell ill but will be rescheduled to the soonest date possible.

Caution: Description not edited at all so it does contain some questionable words in the examples.

Gail Sterns in "RANT!"  Stand up that makes you speak out
"RANT!" enables participants to build connections between the ways our society has historically used racial and ethnic epithets to dehumanize minority groups with the way we use words like "bitch," "whore," and "hole," to objectify women. Participants are asked to challenge the acceptance of these words, and identify what purposes they serve, and their ultimate impact: if you can dehumanize a person, you can justify doing whatever you want to them, even using force. In the case of women, this relates to issues of domestic violence and rape. This is further explored in the program by focusing on the words people use to describe consensual sex: "bang," "pound," "hit," and others, define sex as a violent act done to an object. Most often, it is the woman who is the object being hit or pounded. Connections are also made between the crimes of sexual assault and domestic violence and gender-based hate crime, exploring the heightened levels of victim and community impact.

The program begins with the participants exploring the nature of hate crime: a crime motivated by bias against the victim that results not only in more severe violence against the victim than a non-bias-motivated crime, but in spreading fear throughout that victim's community. The audience is encouraged to generate language they believe they would hear the offender utter during the commission of a hate crime, including racial, ethnic, religious, and sexual orientation-related epithets.

The aforementioned epithets are then compared to words used for sexually active women, words generated by the audience members themselves. In addition, these words were then compared to words used for sexually active men, and the audience is challenged to compare the high-status, powerful words for men with the words for women; the latter reduce women to objects, prostitutes, and animals.

The goal of "RANT!" is to connect the dots, to show audiences that traditionally understood hate crimes were similar to crimes typically committed against women (e.g. domestic violence, sexual assault), both in the way justification for the crime was constructed by the offender, the level of violence involved, and the impact on both the victim and their respective communities. It is designed to utilize the fact that most audiences condemn racially, ethnically, and religiously offensive language, which provides scaffolding for their understanding that the same condemnation needs to apply to language that dehumanizes women.

While these are very serious issues, Gail utilizes her years of experience in stand-up and improvisational comedy to lighten the tension and create a safe, fun environment to discuss these ideas. The program depends on participants feeling comfortable and engaged, and is structured so that the audience talks almost as much as the presenter. Ultimately, Gail urges the audience to take responsibility for not only the words they use, but for the behavior that follows from them, furthering the goal of treating all people (not just women) with the respect they deserve.

Background
"RANT!" grew out of Gail Stern's work with the Chicago Task Force on Hate Crimes Against Women, and was initially designed as a means of training prosecutors and law enforcement officers in Illinois how to use the "gender component" of the Illinois Hate Crime Statute. The statute allows for crimes determined to be motivated by an offender's bias against a specific group because of their race, national origin, creed, color, age, mental or physical disability, sexual orientation, religion or gender to be charged as a more serious crime. For example, if a simple battery were a misdemeanor, if it could be proved that the reason the offender targeted the victim was due to the offender's perception that the victim was Catholic, then the charge would be upgraded to a felony. The program was deemed necessary, because while both prosecutors and law enforcement were fast developing an understanding and respect for the law as it applied to religious, ethnic, and racial minorities, it never made the connection between crimes against women and the hate crime law. While activists in the anti-violence movement would argue that if an offender targets a woman for rape, he is selecting her as a target precisely because of her gender. Employing what is known as the "but for" principle used in assessing other bias crimes, but for the fact that the victim was female, she would not have been the target of the crime. Part of the resistance to utilizing the gender component of the statute came from prosecutors' and law enforcement's (and society's in general) acceptance of dehumanizing and abusive language aimed at women as normal, or just more intense slang. While they understood that words like "nigger" and "faggot" could be used to determine an offender's bias towards Blacks and homosexuals, they failed to make the connection with an offender calling a victim a "cunt" and raping her. Profanity and dehumanizing language directed at women was consistently ignored or undervalued as an indicator of bias, because the words have become imbedded in an everyday vernacular. While the program was hard-hitting, in part due to the topic and language used, Gail's experience as a stand-up comedian created both a dynamic learning environment and a safe place for difficult conversations.

Copy this sentence into your livejournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

Reminds me so much of the interview he did for the Des Moines Register about the importance of fidelity in marriage.

Current Mood: pleased

Thursday-Friday.
Readers will be advised that this entry and its following installment (particularly the following installment) contains extreme amounts of mushiness and PG-13 maturity level for innuendo and reading between the lines.

Current Location: Fred's computer
Current Mood: reflective
Current Music: "Stand By Me"

Hello.

I know I have pages and pages of notes to share about General Conference.  I know I need to bubble over with giddy pride over how amazing Fred's graduation was last week.  I know I need to write down the amazing essay in my head about coming to the realization that having a partner is not a basic human right, but a luxury of a fortunate existence.  I know I need to go work on my thesis.  But all that is getting put aside for the moment so that I can preserve this moment.

Fred is proud that I'm strong-minded, brags about how I can take care of myself, and is constantly admiring how strong I am (strong muscles-mmm).  Yet he's one of the very few people I don't have to be strong around- where it becomes a choice and not a necessity or defense mechanism against whatever icky things are in store.  And he can marvel at his "strong woman" and me getting stuff done and working at UPS and helping carry all the way-heavy stuff with moving in and yet, when the time comes, he takes care of me.  No condescension, no patronizing, no 'aw the little girl isn't nearly as strong as she thinks she is' b.s., nothing.  If I need it, he does it.  Like last night.

I

Current Location: OUR place
Current Mood: content

I'm only writing this so I can stop thinking about it.  UMC enthusiasts (that means you,
brassknight86
, and the lovely Creative Crocheter that I'm sure will show up soon), however, will want to note what I'm doing the weekend of April 25th and May 23rd.

So let's assume for a second that I'm not enriching 2 of the classes I'm taking this term.  Let's assume that my only academic challenge is writing my honors thesis.  Let's assume that because my 2nd job is so rewarding and eccentric, the hours I work at it don't exist.  Now let's look at this term's schedule, shall we?  And don't tell me this is overdue- it's only the beginning of the 3rd week out of 10 + finals.  Just because weeks far in the future seem free doesn't mean they're not going to fill up later.  Or sooner.

Current Location: library
Current Mood: overwhelmed

but I had to share.  I started a LJ because I liked using it for NaNoWriMo- a blog format kept me accountable to the calendar, made it easy to measure progress, and allowed for my fellow writers to suggest and give constructive feedback.  Do I write there anymore?  No.  Do I still have tons of ideas and essays on where it could go next?  Of course.  Do I post there?  No.  Why?  I feel greater obligation to keep my friends and family updated on what's going on in my life than I do to my work, my creation, the other writers I've never met who shame me with their productivity.  How to break out of it?  I don't know.  I love keeping in touch, I love keeping an account of my life to read years later.  But I can at least give you this:

 

Robin Hobb

Current Location: library

It's been a weird experience living for 2 weeks without any easy means of Internet access except my shifts at work.  I thought I would miss so much but my own worry was limited to concerns over urgent e-mails and being able to keep in touch with the professors I work for with all the GWS events coming up this term.

But with Lacie-sitting, I've had fast Web at my fingertips all this weekend and will all this week as well.  Fred and I think we've figured out a way to vanquish the mighty Comcast demons and get access in our apartment sometime soon.  And you know what?  I don't want it.

The past few years my biggest time-waster to the tenth degree (literally) was the Internet.  Random things, cool things, things to read and see and look at that linked to other cool things.  Online stories, comics, news, everything.  Fascinating books I can occasionally put down and hide in the corner under a pillow.  And even the best books don't have 10 sequels in the back cover.

But when I was web-less in the apartment, I got things done.  I went to bed and woke up at reasonable hours.  I wasn't late for the train because I wanted to look at one last thing before I left.  I had to face my loneliness and isolation and unsettled feelings head on instead of subsuming them in some morass of online entertainment.  I felt more awake because my eyes weren't strained from late hours in front of the computer.  I got more knitting done.

And now?  I was up late doing something last night because needing e-mail and access to some research sites for what I was working on somehow led to remembering sites I hadn't checked on since mid-March and getting caught up with all of it.  Never missed them before, but there it was.  And now, RIGHT NOW?  Lacie wants me to throw my ball for the next 20 minutes until I leave for class and I am sitting here typing this out.

I know I need the Internet in my place.  I know I need to keep up to date with my e-mails, class cancellations, and other news (particularly if I get the job I'm interviewing for tomorrow).  I know I'll need to do research, lots of research, for my papers this term- checking references, facts, finding new articles and sources and requesting books online.  I know this.  But I still want a way to shut it all off- to be restricted to dial-up to guarantee that only the most essential things will get done- to have some master setting that I can't undo that will prevent fun things from showing up on Firefox.  Unplugging the ethernet cable doesn't work- I think of something I just have to peek at really quick before I go back to work and 90 minutes later I'm still taking one last peek.

Lacie deserves better.  I deserve better.  All the things I need to get done- for my future, the quality of my current life, my classes, my Fred- deserve better.  So why does it keep sucking me in?

Current Location: Lacie's House
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: "All the Things She Said" t.A.T.u.

Everyone has to angst out every once in awhile, right?  I'm sure I'll do the same again in a few hours after the all-nighter I'm about to pull.


So I wanted to at least give people a bit of a smile, although bitter sweet at best.  Bitter sweet because MAN is this song true despite how much fun it was. 

Superchic(k) hasn't made many music videos so I found it set to, uh, Harry Potter!  Mostly Goblet of Fire but some Prisoner of Azkaban thrown in as well.  Surprisingly, it works.  Quite well.  Particularly with the prom queen (Fluer) and showing off and talking behind people's back stuff.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAt4UG5gL0k&NR=1

You know you want to hear it....

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: interested
Current Music: "One and Lonely" Superchic(k)

Where will I be emotionally?
Will I be okay?
Will I finish what needs to be done or will I be agonizing over the late deadlines?
Will I be proud or satisfied or angry that the past week may have jeopardized one of my last chances at special recognition for my GPA?
Where will I be physically?
I don't know.
I just... don't know. 
I need a hug.
All the chocolate in the world can't fix this.

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: "I'm Not Alright" Sanctus Real

So words can not even begin to describe how happy I am to hear from people about the different stuff I've posted this week.  It's definitely more interesting than what's been going on in my life.  I particularly loved that, after spending the afternoon thinking that I should go back and clarify a lot of the stuff I posted earlier, particularly that I didn't put up the "women abandoning women" article because I think all women should vote for Hillary (definitely not) but because I was really surprised to see the concept named and addressed in that way, I am greeted by a lively and outspoken post that said many of the same things.  Whoo intellectually stimulating friends... dare I say it?... for the win (oh no, I'm a product on the internet!). 

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: "Soak Up the Sun" Sheryl Crow

Well, not in actual class time- that was full of really cool presentations on our final project.  I was sad because mine ran over so I couldn't say a few of the really neat facts I was saving for my conclusion and it wasn't until afterwards that the phrase "stories and statistics" occurred to me as a better way of describing the struggle and interaction among/between birth narratives and birth facts and figures.

This is actually what's been going on in the discussion board for my Feminist Perspectives class which the teacher utilizes as a way to continue discussions and probe even more in depth into issues then we do in class.  Also, in acknowledgement that some students are much better at writing than speaking or feel more comfortable expressing themselves non-verbally. 

This week's highlights:
Too much cute: one mother reacts against Always and its "HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD" slogan
"Hillary Clinton and the Women Abandoning Women Syndrome" written by a woman who has been much abandoned in her own life.  Hints at the dynamics of threat to women, status, popularity, etc, when one figure either does too well, makes one mistake, or incurs criticism that supporters can't bear to be linked with.  I.E. Why do your friends all ditch you when you something bad happens to you, even if it's not your fault?

That's all! 

Current Location: library
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: "I'm Walking on Sunshine!"

Being a senior on the school's humor magazine means that I'm supposed to do something spectacular and out there for my final article.  I was thinking witty critique on a bunch of the stuff that's wrong/still wrong/newly wrong on campus (my freshmen year the big sport was Ultimate Frisbee- now it's BEAN BAGS).  But I was only occasionally feeling bitter enough to be really full of good ideas (although it's been days since the Director of NCC's Wellness Center opened my e-mail on "Why does NCC flood its students with cheap, brightly colored condoms and then refuse to fill birth control prescriptions when there's a full MD on staff? and she still hasn't gotten back to me).  This all changed.  In the past 2 hours.

Things were going okay with my group project, despite the other 2 people getting their papers done 5 days later than we agreed.  Some of the filled-out surveys we're analyzing were SPECTACULARLY stupid but hey, things happen.

NCC's Students for African-American Brotherhood had a fantastic yearly dinner last night (to which the President of the group hand-delivered my invitation- whoo for connections!) and a friend of mine from the library was unanimously elected to their Executive Board.  I *heart* Heaven on Seven catering.

I've only received one unpleasant message about my letter to the editor.  The winter issue of the Kindling came out yesterday and so far no one's posted hate mail and 2 students behind me are giggling over the departmental pick-up lines that one of my freshmen friends collected.  Things seemed to be good.

Then I went to lunch today.  Oh NCC, what have you gotten yourself into?  The whole cafeteria was plastered with beach/tropical themes and covered in signs.  Lots and lots of signs.  The theme?  "BE YOUR OWN LIFEGUARD."  The advice?  Don't drink too many drinks an hour.  Eat a lot while you're drinking.  Drink a lot of non-alcoholic drinks because sun, sea water, and alcohol are all dehydrating.  Don' t drink in hot tubs; you might pass out.  Don't play on hotel balconies or lean on railings.  I wish I was making this up!! 

The most numerous sign, second only to the humongous life guard banner, was "MAKE IT FUN.  MAKE IT SAFE.  MAKE IT HOME."  Uh, sure.

They were also, of course, having giveaways.  You could either get a bottle insulator shaped like a t-shirt and colored in a gaudy Hawaiian print or a baggie of sun supplies, such as lip balm and sunscreen.  Never one for turning down Chapstick, I took the bag without asking any questions and tried not to laugh at the t-shirts the "Safe Spring Break Campaign" people had made up for the event.

But now, having written this, and having spent a period of time in the brightly decorated cafeteria after taking the little white lunch bag, I'm starting to get suspicious.  And skeptical.  And paranoid.  What is in the bag??

Hmmm.  Let's see.  A thing of Blistex, still in the individually-wrapped box.  Never tried it before, should be interesting.  Oh wait, is this a small purse/travel-sized bottle of sun screen?  No.  No, it's not.  It's a sunscreen lotion.... towelette?  Huh.  Apparently you're supposed to rub it all over yourself.  Thanks, directions.  Oh, and what's this?  "Rinse with water to remove."  But wait!  The "Uses" say that it lasts for "80 minutes of activity in the water or sweating."  Guess it takes a lot of rinsing?  There is of course a pamphlet giving lots of advice which, surprisingly, actually has better grammar than most of the wellness center flyers and "stall readers" (now called "Fit while you Sit!").  *groan*  Some of it's priceless advice includes the hot tub thing: "since pretty much every MTV video makes it look glamorous," water safety: "if the waves look dangerous...  they probably are," hotel safety: "don't overcrowd elevators" because malfunctions "cause you to be stuck with really bad elevator music," personal hygiene: "don't go pee in an alley," the sensitive comment of "to avoid a hangover, don't drink so much (duh!)," and "STDS are more embarrassing than a condom!"  On to the odd plastic thing.  A yellow clearish plastic with a compass smaller than the nail on my pinkie (and I have little hands, too).  Part of a keychain (big surprise) that... wait, wait... flashes a blinky red light when you squeeze it!!  Oh, boy, NCC!  I'll sure be safe now!  I won't be like the guy on the back cover of the pamphlet who "stepped into an alley to relieve himself and was kidnapped and dismembered as a human sacrifice by a drug-smuggling cult."  Yes, NCC, yes!  I will be my own lifeguard, no matter HOW much I've had to drink!  And I'll be sure to bring along... wait... what's the last thing in the bag?  Oh yes.  NCC- your inanity strikes again.  It's a cheap Durex condom so brightly colored it must have been designed by or for 4 year olds.  *sigh*  Unless anyone speaks up soon, I'm grabbing the lip balm (and possibly the sun screen) and tossing this thing in the trash.

Current Location: library
Current Mood: shocked
Current Music: "Not an Addict" K's Choice

Tuesday: Take-Home Exam due.
Wednesday: Planned out my honors thesis, top topic priorities, and arranged the meeting schedule
Thursday (today): 7 page paper due
Friday: 10 page paper due
Monday: give 1 hour presentation
Tuesday: 10 page paper due
Wednesday: 15 page paper due

It can be spring break now?

Current Location: library
Current Mood: overwhelmed
Current Music: "Confessions of a Teenage Girl" Bonnie McKee

When will people, particularly women, realize that?

Yes, there are children starving in China.  And you know what?  They will STILL be starving even if you eat those last 20 bites on your plate that you're not really hungry for.  They'll still be hungry if you finish off those french fries even if they're cold and soggy and they're making you feel bloated.  YOU ARE NOT CHANGING THE WORLD BY FINISHING WHAT'S ON YOUR PLATE.

And you know what?  You're not not wasting food by cleaning your plate.  You're not putting food to good use by cleaning off your children or hubby's or boyfriend's plates either when they say 'eh, I'm done' and there's still perfectly good food left that you know they'll never re-heat.
And you know why?  Because if you're like the vast majority of the population, you neither need nor want the extra calories.  You don't want the calories that come from finishing off the toddler's hamburger, the child's mashed potatoes, the s/o's dessert.

Know what you will do because you cleaned the plates with your mouth?  Hate yourself.  Feel bloated.  Stuffed.  Teach your body that it'll be fed more than it should and that it should learn to like it.  Possibly have a spurt of furious, excessive effort in a- what?- desperate attempt to get rid of the food you ate.  You know, the food you ate so that it wouldn't be wasted. 

Know what else?  When we stop to think about it, we know that eating this extra food isn't doing us any good.  And yet we still do it.  WHY?

What unhealthy, self-destructive impulse convinces us that we need to do bad things to our bodies just so we can say that we aren't wasting something?  To eat what we don't want or need or have room for because someone else has refused to eat something that they don't want or need or have room for?  Why are we doing the eating? 

Why do we do it at all?  Why don't we give a brief lecture on the sizes of eyes versus stomachs and have them properly dispose of the food (using a compost if applicable)?  Why do we think that people who don't eat more than they should are somehow being frivolous, wasteful, feckless, indifferent to the world/environment/poor starving children/whatever when they recognize their limits and refuse to conform to the massive, super-sized portions served them?  Why is it not okay to say "oops, I took too much, sorry I can't finish it but I'm FULL"?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: fat
Current Music: "A Voice That Carries" Bonnie McKee

Why I think a certain one of my relatives needs to find a hobby or two.  Her friends as well.

Below is a short list of SOME of the most outstanding subject headers of SOME of the e-mails she's forwarded to me in the past WEEK, with occasionally a bit about the actual e-mail.  *sigh*  Disclaimer: I've taken out the numerous "Fw:FW:fwd:fwd" that's usually there and most admit that I'm glad she's finally figured out how to BCC stuff so that everyone's e-mails aren't all over the internet.  I also managed to convince her at the family reunion this summer that I do NOT want to receive political e-mails AT ALL.  Not that I don't love a good joke or biting satire, but 90% of it was from her brother and of the rabid "OH NO- MEXICANS!" variety.  I think the list below is roughly half of the e-mails she's sent in the last 7 days.  Since she seems to have so much fun reading online, perhaps I should introduce her to e-books or something as I *assume* she reads these things all the way through before sending them on.

"Aprons: do kids even know what they are anymore?"
"Why Daddy Shouldn't Buy Baby Clothes" Complete with pictures of crude slogans!
"The Pastor and the Congregation" condom jokes- whoo
"OOPS- WHY MEN CAN PEE STANDING UP"
"Check out what an unhappy woman can do"
"Now THAT's Drunk"
"A Dead Duck" subtitle: "The Duck and the Devil"
"Alert: FBI issues Valentine's Day Email Warning - Not A Hoax"
"Dirt Roads" here's the lovely first stanza:  "What's mainly wrong with society today is that too many Dirt Roads have been paved. There's not a problem in America today, crime, drugs, education, divorce, delinquency that wouldn't be remedied, if we just had more Dirt Roads, because Dirt Roads give character.""Yes, he was wearing a helmet (graphic photo's)"

Current Location: dorm
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "More than a Love Song" Augustana

Your homework for today: go look at this   It's got lots of flash player and powerpoint viewer forms but I thought pdf would be fairly quick and easy for most people.  If I was a teacher, I would spend a period just presentating this.  

All GWS issues aside, I really, really like its presentations for its method.  No, not the high visual-low text ratio that still manages to be clear, educational, and informational, although is something I really wish some of the presenters in my classes would remember.  No, it's in the way that it directly uses the media, stances, attitudes, actions, and thoughts of what it is arguing.  No straw man, no hyperbole, no exaggeration.  No extensive descriptions of images with no visual back-up or proof.  No reshaping the opponent's arguments and taking their arguments to absurdium, no straw men, etc, etc, etc.  Just plain simple responses and clear portrayals of what they're arguing against.  Aaah, truth, logic, and media images.  :)

Current Location: work; library
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Pretty Baby" Spin Doctors